Mixed signals are the worst.

So picture this: I'm sitting at the computer on Facebook and my AIM is open. Suddenly, I get an IM from the guy I like from work.

"Request off next Saturday," he says. "Concert."

I was so excited I nearly fell out of the chair. We arranged a "date" and I couldn't stop smiling all week. There's just one issue... I was scheduled to work that day. "Get someone to cover you," he says.

So then, I see him at work later that week. "I'm really excited," I say.

"About what?" he responds and gives me a bewildered look.

"Umm...nothing," I reply.

"I like your hair," he says.

Ummm...okay, at this point I'm a little confused. "I'm trying to get someone to cover me on Saturday."

And you know what he says?? He says, "Oh don't bother. It's not worth the trouble."

Excuse me?? YOU'RE the one who asked ME. What just happened? What did I do wrong? Weirdly, when I got home from work, I started crying. What is going on here? Help??!

Weekend!

 Thank goodness its the weekend! I have so much to do, and Sunday night is Hanukkah! Good stuff. I wonder if I'm getting anything. My mom said to me yesterday, "You're not expecting anything, right? Because I didn't get you anything." And I'm just reply, "No." And her eyes nearly popped out of her head in surprise. No, Mom. You don't have to get me anything. Even though I would appreciate it if you did.

Sweet sixteen tonight. Filming my music video tomorrow. And I'm working. Other work to do. Oh God. My weekend's are never relaxing.

Hah it's December!

Sorry!

I have been neglecting this blog for a while, and yet, I'm back. I suppose I just can't stay away from having the free ability to talk about myself.

So, basic update: lost boyfriend, have new crush.

Yeah, I know... not very romantic. I was really upset about the break-up... for about a weekend. Then I realized that it was now appropriate for me to crush on guys I work with.

However, I have a slight predicament: ever since the break-up, I haven't seen him. And now, I am seeing him TOMORROW. At a dance. I have no idea how I will react. Will I burst into tears and run from the room dramatically? Will I feel a twinge of pain, or nothing at all? Will I find that I really do still like him? Someone help me out here!

Moving on.

Really undesirable character traits that I just discovered

A) I am an attention hog. Total and complete attention hog. I want attention, hence stupid things spew out of my mouth at random moments.

B) I am a control freak. I want to be a leader. Of everything. And I don't care who I have to crush in my way to getting power. I am a JUGGERNAUT.

C) I am clinging to old friendships that are obviously not working.

D) I can't stand up for myself. (Ex: Today, a kid at the lunch table next to mine was throwing stuff at me and all I did was glare at him a few times. And that's it. I wasn't even like, "Stop it, please." I just tried to ignore him, hoping it would stop him. It didn't work.)

E) I just say the stupidest, most awkward things sometimes.

F) I try to impress people too much, and generally screw up, and end up coming off as conceited/bragging.

G) I talk WAYYY too much. Like I never stop. Ever.

H) I don't appreciate my real friends as much as I should. They all deserve a frickin PARADE, they are so amazing.

Wow.

So guess what.

So guess what. On the day before Thanksgiving, I was at school and that guy that I was obsessed with last year... "A" is what I called him... came back from college to visit high school. He was standing in the hallway, and (keep in mind I haven't seen or thought about him in months) I freaked out and all those old feelings of obsession came back. This is pathetic. When will I ever learn? And of course I had just eaten a tuna sandwich and my breath smelled terrible. Gah!

Soo I haven't updated in a while.

So basically here's what you missed.

A) Europe = amazing. I will go back any time. Sure, I had a creepy crush on the forty year old tour guide who was married with kids, but still. Fun fun. Saw sights. Ate foreign food. Made friends.

B) For a few weeks, it looked like I was going to make it onto the varsity field hockey team, but I think something happened and now I'm not going to make it. Agh!

C) School started. Its a good year so far. For a bit, I thought some old friends wouldn't want to talk to me anymore, but I am not worried any more, as at least one has taken the initiative to talk to me. Junior year > sophomore year. Already.

D) I am so busy. I have time for everything. Except a social life.

E) I have a job as a cashier at the A&P Supermarket. Job description: I scan stuff and take people's money. There is this one guy who I work with who I thought was hitting on me, but I think he has a girlfriend. So there goes that theory.

That's pretty much what's been going on in my life since last time I wrote. Oh, and did I mention that I LOVE PUSH PLAY MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD?!?!

(In case you don't know, Push Play is the band I am obsessed with. In a good way, of course.)

Saw them at Toms River Fest. They were amazing. Now me and my sister started a street team, which is pretty much an official fan club. And you know what? It has its perks. For example, the concert I am going to on October 4? Yeah, I am helping to run the meet-and-greet. Translation: I am going to be spending a prolonged period of time with four extremely gorgeous, talented boys. AHHH!!

But I'm cool. Calm. And collected.

Soon to be a world traveler!

Tomorrow I embark on my European adventure to Dublin, North Wales, London, and Paris. I am very excited! My mom is having daily heart attacks, thinking I am just going to completely forget my suitcase and or leave my camera lying out in the open or something like that.

Yeah right.

Well I have other vitally important news. On Friday I had a date with Bond, and we went to see The Dark Knight (awesome flick, by the way) with Megan and Vlad (double date, woohoo!) and had a grand time. Right before the movie started, I went to give Bond a quick kiss on the nose, and he slyly moved his face up. I went, "Whoa!" Then I realized.... and went right in for a kiss. Yes, that's right everyone. I am kissing and telling. I, Lauren, have had her first kiss.

Later that evening, Bond and I were sitting in the family room just staring at each other and I said, "So, do you want to kiss again?" and he said, "I don't know, it's up to you." Then we discussed which way either of us is going to tilt our heads so we don't bump noses and all that stuff. Yes, we discussed the kissing process. That's just how we roll.

So last night, I went to a birthday party. Guess who was there? That's right: Bond! We hung out all day and people told us how cute we are and all that. And we were in the hot tub and Bond wanted us to kiss, but I told him that kissing in a hot tub was tacky.

So this is what happened. When it got dark, our friend Jara told us to go behind the shed, because she knew what we wanted to do. So I know it sounds dirty, but at the time it was really romantic and nice. Bond and I had our first hook up up against the side of a shed.

This raises an important question. What does "hook up" mean? Because I felt that Bond and I "hooked up" but we didn't use any tongue. I mean, that's kinda gross, honestly. Megan told me that when she and Vlad hook up, they rarely use tongue. She said it makes it messy. (Ew!) So I personally believe that the term "hooking up" is subjective.

Anyway, now that I thoroughly grossed everyone out here, I am going to go finish packing for my Eurotrip. I do not believe I got too graphic with my description of my first kiss and first "hook up." If I did, then let me know and I shall delete this post, as I want to remain tasteful. Okay, in case I don't write until I get back from Europe... toodle-oo!